The Red Weed

February 7, 2008 at 13:53 (Health, Rants, Science) (, , , )

According to research carried out on a thousand Kiwis who participated in a 35-year long study in New Zealand, it would appear that cannabis isn’t actually the cure-all so many optimistic stoners like to think.  Well, wouldn’t you know it.

The BBC reports that “heavy cannabis smoking is a major cause of gum disease” (clicky here), and if you listen closely, you might be able to hear the sharp intake of breath all around the world – the familiar sound of smokers of this curious weed inhaling – twinned perhaps with occasional utterances of ‘ah well’ and ‘fuck it’.  Apparently, this is news to the scientific community, although they’ve known for decades that smoking tobacco will damage gums in just the same way.  It wouldn’t take a great leap of faith to join the dots here, but hey, hold it people: this is science, not religion.  A thousand guinea pigs later, then, revelation has arrived, and you just know what an epic movie this story would make.

These are not my fingers!

Now first of all, what the crap?  You’ll notice after even a cursory glance at the image above, or hell, passing aquaintance with a pack of skins, that most joints contain both cannabis and tobacco.  Salutations to anybody reading who can afford to do otherwise, but in my experience at least, if you want to get high – and hey, we don’t smoke this stuff because we enjoy the fur in our mouths – one part weed to three parts mercilessly torn-up Marlboro will suffice.  That is presuming you’re not smoking garden-variety grass.  In other words, if these scientists just had to spent half their lives asking a pointless question, why not: does the elvish cannabis magic somehow counteract the gum diseases that smoking can give you?  At least then one of the possible answers, whether or not they’d come up with it, would have turned a head or two.

So, if it’s news to anybody, cannabis is not actually a mana potion.  If you smoke it it may give you gum disease.  Which really makes you think, you know.  I mean, we knew it could help our budding schizophrenia take hold and we knew before we even touched a joint to our lips that it could kill us much the same as 20-a-day.  But now, well, I honestly think I might have to reconsider this wanton, weedy lifestyle of mine.

Are you satisfied, scientists?



  1. UriShare - Weed not a mana potion (say scientists) said,

    […] Weed not a mana potion (say scientists) An admittedly cynical look at the scientific community’s latest and perhaps greatest discovery. Apparently, you see, smoking cannabis can help gum disease get a hold of your innocent fleshy human mouth. Much like smoking tobacco can. Or smoking herbal Submitted: 2 minutes ago Category: Offbeat Submitter: RssFeed Website: Report this link: Click here to report Comments: 0 […]

  2. rapsta said,

    weed is good

  3. shane said,

    Weed is dank!

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