All Your Basses Are Belong To Us

November 19, 2008 at 13:28 (Music, News, Reviews, Video Games) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

However misguided the R&B ambitions of Jack White and Alicia Keys’ Quantum of Solace may be, it’s been much too long, I fear, since I last indulged in such bombastic bass, and “Another Way to Die” fills that sweaty pit of sub-sound perfectly.

Still haven’t seen the movie, though.

So who saw this coming?

How Many Million Bicycles in Beijing?

How Many Million Bicycles in Beijing?

I’m enough of a dyed-in-the-wool Guns N’ Roses fan that this album already means more to me than the punchline I imagine much of the rest of the world will hear it as, but all the leaks have meant there are only five songs I haven’t already heard a hundred times over.  “There Was A Time” is still my favourite; I’m such an outright sucker for rock ballads I should be pelted with animal crackers until dead.


Two new reviews for you all to take a gander at.  Actually, come to think of it, six reviews, I suppose — the Puzzle Pack and the Power Pack collect together three PSN titles apiece.  The latter is decidedly the better of the pair, and while it’s great value for money – both are, but I’d sell my remaining grandparents for flOw – I can’t help but be a bit disappointed SCEE seem more intent on wringing a few more sales out of some middle of the road downloadable games than genuinely representing the unique strengths of the PlayStation Network.  Still.  A tenner and change makes for an incredible deal that’ll keep anyone with a PSP busy during what little downtime they have between the flood of triple-A console and PC releases.

Soundtrack to this entry: Donovan – Hurdy Gurdy Man


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Chinese Democracy of One

July 21, 2008 at 15:39 (Music, Rants) (, , , , , , )

I don’t know that I can justify my unfettering love for Guns n’ Roses.

I certainly don’t feel it – ah, the aches of early-onset age – but that said, I’m ever-so-slightly too young to have grown up with Axl yowling in my ears.  Thanks to my Dad’s occasional benders and his unfailing ability to work a record player even when utterly out of it, there was plenty of Led Zeppelin, lots of Dire Straits and ZZ Top and the Beatles; I think I’m most grateful to him for the Pink Floyd, but that’s neither here nor there – suffice it to say I’m not altogether surprised my favourite ladies get on with him so well.  But whatever he wanted to soundtrack his too infrequent booze-ups with, it was never GnR.

There was no Guns n’ Roses on the radio, either – wow, remember the radio?

There was Whigfield, 2 Unlimited, Shaggy, East 17, Eternal, PJ and hot-damn Duncan.  And what a tragic fucking youth that could have been.  By the time I was old enough to take an interest in music, it… well, it sucked, as far as I knew.  I heard plenty of it, but I made time for none of it.  It was when Dad got drunk – or rather, after he’d gotten drunk and the anger had passed – that I started to care.  It was at New Year’s and whenever our childminder, Walter, turned up with a bottle of malt to drink him under the table.

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All Things Anansie

July 11, 2008 at 5:24 (Music, Rants)

Let it be said I have not forgotten how awesome Skunk Anansie were.  Charlie Big Potato is perhaps the single greatest song title in existence and, wouldn’t you know, it rocks some, too.  That is all.

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All Things Babylon

July 3, 2008 at 19:36 (Music, News, politics, Rants) (, , , , , , )

This is brilliant.  I don’t know if it’s new news or age-old, but according to the BBC, ‘Babylon’ by David Gray is among the greatest hits of US torturers in Iraq.

Amongst all the musician’s unsurprising whines, of course, he has a point: play anything to death and it becomes an annoyance, whether it’s trash or Tchaikovsky.  And yes, whatever the comedy value of their choice of song, they’re still torturers, and torturers are bad people with rotten capitalist hearts and teeth yellow as pissed-in snow.

Still – what could be funner?

If only someone had the wit to strip the detainees naked and ride them like pack animals… hillarity would ensue, surely, to a predictable Benny Hill soundtrack.  Enough, even, that these jolly sadists might memorialise a few Kodak moments for the family album?  Now there’s a thought.


That is all.

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Bottom Line Band

June 7, 2008 at 13:27 (Music, Rants, Video Games) (, , , , , )

Say it ain’t so, Harmonix – tell me you’re just fooling about.

The Blasphemer

£150 is a lot of money.  Here in grand old Euroland Rock Band just came out, and the thought of a sequel so soon makes my skin crawl, quite frankly.  Harmonix: you promised there would have to be a compelling reason for a sequel.  You promised to support the game through DLC, and we’re only just beginning to see the full capabilities of that facility brought to bear.  Keep on releasing the full albums, satisfy your fans – no-one really needs Keyboard Hero and I don’t see any such thing on the potential cover.  So why a new box product; another unneccesary sequel?

Money is why, Harmonix, and don’t for a minute think we don’t – every one of us – see it.

Stop the badness.

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All Thing Unbush

May 25, 2008 at 3:27 (Music, Rants)

Damn you Gavin Rossdale, damn you.

I loved Bush.  From Sixteen Stone right through to Golden State, there was precious little about Bush that I didn’t enjoy.  At least in the circles that surround me, Bush aren’t exactly the most popular of bands, but all you haters can go to hell – music doesn’t need indiscernible metal screaming to be worthwhile any more than it needs that old chestnut, the Top bloody 40.  When Bush broke up after what was arguably their finest hour, I lamented another in a long line of losses.  Skunk Anansie were gone, and the Smashing Pumpkins too.

Tell me, musicians: why are you suddenly more capable without a band to back you up?  How is the talent of one individual more worth exploring than the collective talents of an ensemble?  Billy Corgan, the fool, learned that lesson well enough – The Smashing Pumpkins are back now, apparently; although what remains of the genius they used to embody is debatable.  And where did Skin from Skunk Anansie go?  Where are your Charlie Big Potatoes now, I wonder?

So when Gavin Rossdale decided Bush wasn’t for him anymore, I felt a little glum and went on with my life.  And then: Institue.  What a waste of time that little project was.  Lesson learned, you’d think.  Get the band back together and recapture your identity, Rossdale – be something more than just Gwen Stefani’s shadow puppet.  But no.  It’s time, instead, for a solo album, a torrent of which was leaked at the usual haunts yesterday.  Know this, constant readers: it is just… appaling.  Rossdale is obviously out to emulate the classic Bush of yore, but Wanderlust falls flat everywhere that counts.  Empty, hollow, tired and utterly unappealing – epic fail, as teh internets say.  The voice is all it has, and this isn’t spoken word Rossdale, this is music.  Swallow your pride and go begging – then, maybe, I’ll think about caring again.

Incidentally, the same goes for you, Stefani.  I miss Spiderwebs.

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